A Rant

I was at the hospital to do rounds on my patient who delivered Christmas Eve and was now going home Christmas Day. There is a certain amount of teaching that needs to be done prior to discharge, especially with a young, first time Mom. I went in and taught about breast feeding and baby care. I addressed things for Mom to watch out for in herself. I talked about the prescriptions I give for post delivery pain and pretty much wrapped up my teaching. The nurse then comes in and goes over stuff again (literature shows that it takes three repetitions to "learn":). In the middle of the nurse's teaching, family arrives to see the baby. There are many people (13). There is a couch, two chairs and a stool in the room along with Mom's bed. I hear the nurse say very calmly and professionally "I'm doing some discharge teaching that will take a few minutes and I want Q to be able to pay attention so I'm going to have you all go down to the family waiting area and when I'm done, I'll come get you so you can visit." There is grumbling, milling, fussing and everyone leaves the room. As they pass by me I hear one of the older women in the group say "This is the stupidest hospital I have ever been in, it is just like yesterday when they wouldn't let us in after the baby was born. I'm hoping no one else has their baby here."

Now I shake my head in amazement. Yesterday, we put everyone out of the room for about 3 hours while we delivered, sewed up the bottom, and taught supported breastfeeding giving this young couple the very best family start we could. The exclusion was done at Q's request. Today, we asked them to stay out of the room so that the couple could focus on our teaching, so they can GO HOME where.everyone.can.see.the.baby and we are suddenly the bad guys. I find this frustrating and upsetting with no way to rectify the lack of knowledge and bad attitudes of the visitors. Huff

Time. . .Oh time, where does it go?

We were planning Thanksgiving the last time I wrote, and now we are thru Hannukah. Soon it will be 2010. This year has been full of births and babies as well as trial and tribulations. My work takes up a tremendous amount of my time. What time is left is often used up resting, dozing, and outright sleeping. I have this year been forced to learn new coping techniques in the workplace and although I am at last getting it figured out, it is still not very comfortable. I am naive when it comes to manipulation, mind control, and down right ugly human behaviors so it has taken me almost a year to realize that I'm not the one with the problem and I just need to focus on taking good care of the people who choose to see me and not worry about the ones who choose not to see me.

This year has been a wild one. In January I celebrated one year with a new knee. It still works great and does not pain me at all. From January to April I worked on a fitting bodice and then a wedding dress. It turned out beautifully. In May we married off our baby to a young man who appears to be good for her. They are talking making babies and we wish them good luck in this endeavor. In July we traveled by ocean liner Queen Mary 2) to England with our oldest daughter and her family. My first time out of the country. We had a glorious trip, but the flight home leaves something to be desired - sleep. Our home continues to be a place of peace and solitude where guests are always welcome. My work continues to take up too much time, but then I meet people out in the community for whom I have delivered children and some of them are 10 years old and growing up. Then, I realize that I got my wish and that was to live somewhere long enough to see the babies I delivered grow up. Then I realize that I will be 57 years old in 2010, and I don't see how that can be.

Thanksgiving planning

Today we talked with our daughter up north and we made plans for our Thanksgiving Feast!! I am so excited to be able to spend some time with she and her husband. We will do cooking and eating and play games and laugh and be silly and with any luck at all a great time will be had by all. On Friday the tentative plan is to go to the coast and walk on the beach (if the weather cooperates). I am so hopeful as walking on the beach is a wonderfully relaxing and health giving activity.

We did it!

What you may ask did you do? Well let me share this victory with you. I did a birth tonight, in fact just a few minutes ago. It was a special birth because this couple's last baby had a major heart defect and died a within a few hours of birth. They got pregnant again and this was the birth of that baby. Only it wasn't that easy. She had polyhydramnios - too, too, too much water around the baby. When her water broke it was like a fire hose at full blast. After the baby delivered there was a Tsunami which followed. The wonderful thing is that this baby is 100% normal and as I left the room he was already at breast and suckling beautifully. This was a long, long labor, 36 hours and I came in on my weekend off to be her midwife. It was a truly wonderful birth and I really had the opportunity to help give her something that she will remember for the rest of her life. We did it! She and I and her wonderful, supportive husband worked together as a team and we did it.

Tonight, tonight it has to be tonight, or maybe tomorrow sometime

Yes life goes on. I married off my baby, and I have had a wonderful trip across the ocean with my oldest daughter and her family and now I'm steadfastly back at work. Hmm, I think there is a pattern here. Yes, I'm on call this weekend and I have an induction. Yes, I have admitted someone to the hospital to make the baby come out prior to the time her body plans an eviction. I still am ambivalent about this, but also don't like cesarean deliveries when we could have done it vaginally - so here we are!!! I wish I was home with my honey, playing Wii Batman & Robin, but no, I'm being with woman and sitting around the hospital waiting for the pitocin to take effect. I gave some thought to going home, but realize that if I do that I could miss the delivery (especially if I didn't get updated in a timely manner by the nurse) and that would never do. More and more I think about a job with regular hours, and no call time and no crazy charting, but I haven't come up with anything that would challenge me and pay me both with money and adrenaline so for now I'm sticking with what I already do. I'm only on call every other weekend, I get a great high every time I do a nice birth, and I am financially compensated well enough to allow me to live in the style to which I have become accustomed. Probably not reason to rock the boat.

Solo

I did get home yesterday. We did deliver operatively. Hmm - maybe 1500 births have taught me something (slight sarcasm). I have now been on call continuously 24/7 since 5/20/09 and now I remember how tired I was before I got a midwife partner. I will continue on call until 6/8/09. I am racking up the births, but my psyche is suffering. It is starting to not be fun any more. I am really seriously looking for something else I can do that will support me in the style to which I have become accustomed. I didn't think when I became a midwife that I would ever be able to live without doing births - it is such a wonderful high when they go well. Now, I know that not only could I live without doing births, I think after a while I wouldn't even miss it. O.K. maybe there would be some sadness occasionally. So here I am, back at the hospital for a mom who wants a water birth. she is so anxious to get delivered that she drank Castor oil. Now I know that Castor oil will cause contractions, but it does not always cause labor. So what happens is nausea, awful diarrhea, hard contractions and no cervical change. Serious misery for no birth. All the while, I tied in supporting what I consider stupidity. Given a chance the body works really well and the baby will come when it is time for the baby to come. Alas, I wait.

Birth and Birth and Birth

I am on call for a prolonged period of time because my midwife partner (versus life partner) is out of town. I have had some wonderful births, some night terrors, and some that there is no way to describe. I am again feeling frustrations about patient choices and families. Again I am inducing (under pressure) a patient who is not yet ready to be delivered and it will probably end in a cesarean section. I am plagued by family who do not understand what is going on and want to know continuously why I am not doing something for her. Now, I AM doing something for her - she has pitocin running and that can only be increased slowly to prevent uterine rupture. I am shocked at how ignorant these families are and how they do not listen to my explanations. I do try to put my verbage at a 6th grade level, even that doesn't help. I get the patient pain control, per their request (an epidural), I ask the family to step out so she can sleep and rest after they see that she is comfortable. As soon as my back is turned (I'm out of the room dealing with something else) back into the room the family floods and the lights go on and the TV goes on and the patient is awake and not resting and the family wants to know when I'm going to DO something. ARGH

All about a wedding dress

Ah yes, my baby is getting married. She is of course no longer a baby but she is my youngest. She and her best beloved have done a wonderful job of planning the wedding and getting things ready. I took on the dress making. Way back in November we shopped for a pattern and fabric. I made a fitting bodice and although it fit, it needed a bit of finesse. This weekend, I remade the fitting bodice and her father and I did a 3 hour (one way) turn around trip up so she could try on the dress. I am so glad that I remade it. It fits really good now and looks great (even out of muslin). I had the opportunity to work the pattern again and think how it will work when I line the finished product. I had the opportunity to see it on her with a good fit. We had the opportunity to visit with her one more time and share a yummy lunch. Now, I get to make the real thing!!! I am on call next weekend and will not have time to sew. The last weekend of the month is the designated time for making the real dress. It will be done and ready to take up when we go for the wedding. I'm excited!