Solo

I did get home yesterday. We did deliver operatively. Hmm - maybe 1500 births have taught me something (slight sarcasm). I have now been on call continuously 24/7 since 5/20/09 and now I remember how tired I was before I got a midwife partner. I will continue on call until 6/8/09. I am racking up the births, but my psyche is suffering. It is starting to not be fun any more. I am really seriously looking for something else I can do that will support me in the style to which I have become accustomed. I didn't think when I became a midwife that I would ever be able to live without doing births - it is such a wonderful high when they go well. Now, I know that not only could I live without doing births, I think after a while I wouldn't even miss it. O.K. maybe there would be some sadness occasionally. So here I am, back at the hospital for a mom who wants a water birth. she is so anxious to get delivered that she drank Castor oil. Now I know that Castor oil will cause contractions, but it does not always cause labor. So what happens is nausea, awful diarrhea, hard contractions and no cervical change. Serious misery for no birth. All the while, I tied in supporting what I consider stupidity. Given a chance the body works really well and the baby will come when it is time for the baby to come. Alas, I wait.

Birth and Birth and Birth

I am on call for a prolonged period of time because my midwife partner (versus life partner) is out of town. I have had some wonderful births, some night terrors, and some that there is no way to describe. I am again feeling frustrations about patient choices and families. Again I am inducing (under pressure) a patient who is not yet ready to be delivered and it will probably end in a cesarean section. I am plagued by family who do not understand what is going on and want to know continuously why I am not doing something for her. Now, I AM doing something for her - she has pitocin running and that can only be increased slowly to prevent uterine rupture. I am shocked at how ignorant these families are and how they do not listen to my explanations. I do try to put my verbage at a 6th grade level, even that doesn't help. I get the patient pain control, per their request (an epidural), I ask the family to step out so she can sleep and rest after they see that she is comfortable. As soon as my back is turned (I'm out of the room dealing with something else) back into the room the family floods and the lights go on and the TV goes on and the patient is awake and not resting and the family wants to know when I'm going to DO something. ARGH