Solo

I did get home yesterday. We did deliver operatively. Hmm - maybe 1500 births have taught me something (slight sarcasm). I have now been on call continuously 24/7 since 5/20/09 and now I remember how tired I was before I got a midwife partner. I will continue on call until 6/8/09. I am racking up the births, but my psyche is suffering. It is starting to not be fun any more. I am really seriously looking for something else I can do that will support me in the style to which I have become accustomed. I didn't think when I became a midwife that I would ever be able to live without doing births - it is such a wonderful high when they go well. Now, I know that not only could I live without doing births, I think after a while I wouldn't even miss it. O.K. maybe there would be some sadness occasionally. So here I am, back at the hospital for a mom who wants a water birth. she is so anxious to get delivered that she drank Castor oil. Now I know that Castor oil will cause contractions, but it does not always cause labor. So what happens is nausea, awful diarrhea, hard contractions and no cervical change. Serious misery for no birth. All the while, I tied in supporting what I consider stupidity. Given a chance the body works really well and the baby will come when it is time for the baby to come. Alas, I wait.

Birth and Birth and Birth

I am on call for a prolonged period of time because my midwife partner (versus life partner) is out of town. I have had some wonderful births, some night terrors, and some that there is no way to describe. I am again feeling frustrations about patient choices and families. Again I am inducing (under pressure) a patient who is not yet ready to be delivered and it will probably end in a cesarean section. I am plagued by family who do not understand what is going on and want to know continuously why I am not doing something for her. Now, I AM doing something for her - she has pitocin running and that can only be increased slowly to prevent uterine rupture. I am shocked at how ignorant these families are and how they do not listen to my explanations. I do try to put my verbage at a 6th grade level, even that doesn't help. I get the patient pain control, per their request (an epidural), I ask the family to step out so she can sleep and rest after they see that she is comfortable. As soon as my back is turned (I'm out of the room dealing with something else) back into the room the family floods and the lights go on and the TV goes on and the patient is awake and not resting and the family wants to know when I'm going to DO something. ARGH

All about a wedding dress

Ah yes, my baby is getting married. She is of course no longer a baby but she is my youngest. She and her best beloved have done a wonderful job of planning the wedding and getting things ready. I took on the dress making. Way back in November we shopped for a pattern and fabric. I made a fitting bodice and although it fit, it needed a bit of finesse. This weekend, I remade the fitting bodice and her father and I did a 3 hour (one way) turn around trip up so she could try on the dress. I am so glad that I remade it. It fits really good now and looks great (even out of muslin). I had the opportunity to work the pattern again and think how it will work when I line the finished product. I had the opportunity to see it on her with a good fit. We had the opportunity to visit with her one more time and share a yummy lunch. Now, I get to make the real thing!!! I am on call next weekend and will not have time to sew. The last weekend of the month is the designated time for making the real dress. It will be done and ready to take up when we go for the wedding. I'm excited!

Frustrations

Recently, I spent a long time with a client (greater than 24 hours) attempting an induction to get a baby out prior to term and that ended in a cesarean delivery. I feel frustrated about this, because we were forcing her body to do something it was not yet ready to do and I disagree with this on principle. I also realize that there are medical indicators for early inductions which need to be addressed as well. Immediately after that I spent a long day, 10 hours, with a woman who was pregnant, but didn't really want another child at this point in her life and she refused to let the labor happen. When we forced the issue and made labor happen, she refused to push the baby out. She had a really difficult time and I was super frustrated with her and for her. Fortunately, the baby did well during the delivery and all is good. I did tell the multitude of friends and family that I believed that she is a huge risk for post partum depression and that she is not to be left alone for the first 2 weeks and then we will see how she is doing. I am hoping that the rest of the holiday season goes well, because I'm on call until New Years when I'm running away for a few days of R & R.

Family, Fun, Feasting = Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful holiday. We were invited to our daughter's home for Thanksgiving and we took the 3 hour drive up to their home after I got off work on Wednesday. We took them out for dinner that night. On Thursday, we got up and got to it! We had much work to do and we all pitched in and created a wonderful feast! We enjoyed working together to create our feast and then enjoyed eating our feast. It was marvelous to be together and have a great time creating a feast. We did everything from scratch and it makes me so proud that I am able to pass that knowledge on to my children and that they were receptive to learning about the art of cooking and creating. We stuffed ourselves and then we went for a walk to settle our dinners. Upon our return home we had pie and conversation. Then it was off to bed as Friday was a high stress day! We shopped for wedding dress fabric and were successful with that. I'm so pleased with what she chose. She will be a beautiful bride. Friday evening we had left overs and then pie, port, and chocolate. Fat and Happy pretty much describes all of us. Saturday the party started to dissolve and people returned to their own homes. All in all it was a wonderful holiday and as usual there is much for me to be thankful for and I am reminded how very blessed I am with my family, my health, and my life.

On Call

I am on call this weekend and as usual behind in my paper charting. One of the items that never gets talked about in school the the overwhelming amount of charting that goes on for every patient. We document phone calls, we document in person visits, we document and document and document. It really gets old, because it takes time. My schedule is such that I am on call 2 days on, 2 days off, 3 days on (the weekend) then 2 days off, 2 days on, 3 days off (the weekend). Therefore, I am making an attempt to only bring stuff home to do every other weekend (the ones when I am on call). I always feel like I am just barely treading water to keep up. Alas, that is the way it goes - so back to charting.

Retirement?

I'm ready to retire. Now, the reality is that I will not be able to do this for a long time to come - probably 10 more years, but I am ready not to have to go to work every day. When I was off for my knee recovery, I thought I would go crazy, that did not happen. Instead, I did some work with photo shop. I sewed. I read. I got in shape physically and I got used to having my time dictated by my own timeline instead of punching the clock. Alas, I made a deal with my life mate and it is my 25 years to work, so retirement is absolutely out of the question. I really have it good. I love my work. I have a lot of autonomy. I think I'm good at what I do and except for the crazy hours it is pretty fun most of the time. I would love to travel, spend time with my kids and grand kids and generally lead an unfettered life. However, no work, no pay; no pay, no food, house, car, or clothing, so I think I have to go to work. I remind myself that I am fortunate that I have a job that challenges me both physically and mentally as well as emotionally. I am adequately rewarded for what I do (most of the time) and in times of economic distress, I am lucky to have a job.

On another note entirely, I love talking with my children and grand children. I talked with my daughter yesterday and my other daughter and some of my grandchildren today. It is always glorious to talk with them and find out what is going on and how their lives are progressing. They blog and I read their stories, but talking on the phone is so much more fun.