Hannukkah

So Hanukkah started.  I brought out the Menorah, I got out the candles, I couldn't find the readings by the love of my life knew where they were.  We got already and set up and we started to do the readings.  I got all tearful and choked up and he had to read the whole rest of the deal and I realized, again, how much I feel alienated and alone.  It really has nothing to do with religious preference other than the fact that I live in an area where there is not a synagogue, and therefore not Jewish community, and therefore not a lot of other people who think like I do.  Well, maybe there are not a lot of people who think like I do anyway.  Which brings me to the current quandary!  At work, I deal with people all the time.  When I first started in business I had women flocking to see me for care.  I worked really hard.  I tried to be respectful.  I tried to do a good job.  I think I did a good job, not a perfect job, but a good job.  I became hugely overworked, overtired, and overstressed.  I got a partner to help with the workload.  She is everything I am not.  I am outspoken.  I am directive.  I have high expectations for myself, and I do not expect anything from anyone else that I would not do myself.  I am a co-worker, NOT a friend to everyone who works in the office (I have a life away from work).  I give my all to the patients I take care of, but I have a life outside of work and I want to live that too!  I often have a hard time when patients I have previously taken care of get delivered by my midwife partner.  I know that I cannot have it both ways, but I still wish I could.  Darn, I'm only human and there is only one of me.  I cannot be two places at the same time.