I've been robbed!!!!!

I turned 55 this month and my partner and I went to the coast for a get away weekend of camping and walking on the beach. We drove the 2-1/2 hours to the campground we picked, paid our fee, set up our tent and headed for a walk on the beach. This is a beach we have visited before and love because of the surf on the rocks and the sand. We parked the car, I got out my camera and clipped it to my belt loop. We put my purse in the trunk and locked the car. Off we went for a walk on the beach. We walked and talked for a while generally enjoying the peace of the ocean sounds and the company of one another. We don't get away too often because of my job so when we have a chance, it is really special. This was a premier weekend because it was my 55th birthday. We walked and talked and it started to get cool so we headed back to the parking lot and the car to get more clothes and our picnic dinner. As we came up the stairs we saw the car and my thought was "Did I leave my window open? What a ding dong." My partner said "Shit, someone has broken into our car." He was right on. They busted out the front passenger window. Now the interesting thing is that they didn't ran sack the whole car. They took my bag from the floor of the front seat - it contained my current hand work project (knitting) two extra skeins of yarn and several crochet hooks. They briefly looked into the glove compartment (this I know because the wind up emergency flash light was in the floor). They popped the trunk from the inside and took my purse. That is it. They left the wine, the geocacheing bag and accessories (thank goodness), the rest of the camping gear, etc. So we drive up the coast to the next little town and ask for the police department and are told that there isn't one in town that I will need to call the county sheriff. I get the number and do this. The sheriff's office tells me that they don't answer those calls that I need to talk with the state patrol. So, I call the state patrol and get a very polite officer who tells me that they will send some paperwork to my home for me to fill out and send back. She also informs me that this happens all the time and I need to be sure to cancel all my credit cards and notify everyone of the theft. Great!! This is not an easy task, because of course my cell phone is in my purse, as is my cash (and everything else)! I start to try and reconstruct the contents of my purse. We start calling credit card companies and canceling cards - it gets dark and subsequently cold. We get cold. We feel sick. We call every card I can think of. We go back to the campground, break camp, load the car and drive the 2-1/2 hours home. We get on the computer and do more checking. I am now truly mortified. I have given away (by virtue of the fact that the thief has the contents of my purse) my life and livelihood. The thief has my address, my phone number, my social security number, my children's names and information, my professional affiliations and licenses, etc, etc, etc. So now a new crisis evolves - that of attempting to stop identity theft. I also have to have the window on my car replaced. My credit cards re-issued. I must also continually be on guard now for someone who wants to become me or at least get loans, purchase goods, or establish credit for which I will be expected to pick up the tab. I also have to be concerned about leaving my home unattended. This truly sucks. I am saddened by the fact that my fellow travelers in this universe feel that robbery is OK. I am upset at myself for taking my purse on a camping trip. I am generally frustrated and sickened.

It sure is quiet here.

We had a wonderful visit with our children and grandchildren and now our home is so very quiet. Our oldest daughter and her 4 children arrived on August 5th to spend 3 weeks with us. Her husband arrived later and spent a week with us. Our youngest daughter and her partner spent the first two weekends of THE VISIT with us and we spent the third weekend of THE VISIT with them at their home near Portland. We had a wild time mixed with days of work for me when I would really rather have been with them. We had great insights from the kids. We had the therapy of family togetherness. We managed to sew a fitting bodice for the upcoming wedding of our youngest daughter. We managed to make jam. We laughed, joked and were generally boisterous and loud. We played games, drank some wine, and decided that the world would totally be a better place if only everyone would do things our way. I delivered some babies. I did some prenatal care. I solved other people’s problems and wished I was home with the kids. Now, everyone is back to their respective homes, the laundry is done, the toys are mostly put away, and our home is sure quiet. I am already looking forward to May, 2009 and the wedding because then everyone will be together again. I hope we don't have to wait that long, but it is a possibility. I'm thinking chaos is a good thing.

Moving on

My solution for dealing with stress and stressors in life has always been to move. Yes, to physically pick up and leave one area and travel to another area. This was facilitated by the fact that my husband was in the military, so we moved a lot. Now he is retired and we have been in the same place for 9 years and I am thinking it is time to move, and move on. It is such a mixed deal for me because on the one hand I really love what I do. On the other hand there are things about my situation that drive me crazy. My ideal solution would be to move someplace new and reinvent myself thus leaving all my stress behind and of course taking on a bunch of new stress in the process. I'm not sure that this is a sane idea, nor one that I'll act on, but it sure looks attractive right now. Of course, it would mean leaving the house we built and the yard we are working on. It would also mean we had to pick a new place to live and I would have to find a new job. I'm pretty sure that there are not many jobs as good as the one I have right now, even if it frustrates the heck out of me sometimes. I guess I better just stay put, but the inclination to move is there and strong.

Crazy ideas

I had a post partum visit recently with a woman who was fussing and complaining because there was no way to attach the breast pumps to her chest when she was using them so she had to sit and hold them in place to express milk. She was so offended that she is creating and marketing something to hold the pumps in place while expressing. This will allow her to "do things" while she is pumping out the breast milk so that she can feed her baby with a bottle. Now, I asked the obvious question "Why don't you just nurse your baby at the breast and then you won't have to worry about pumping?" Well, my patient replied that she just couldn't get the hang of it and by pumping and bottle feeding she could be "doing something" while her baby is eating because she could prop the bottle and of course once she perfects her pump holding harness she will be able to "do something" while pumping her breasts as well. I cannot imagine it is more efficient to pump the milk from the breasts and feed in a bottle (going thru the middle man as it were) than to just learn how to put the baby to breast and have the milk go directly from the manufacturer to the consumer. I just shake my head in wonder and dismay. Perhaps I am getting old and cynical. I think breastfeeding is a unique and wonderful way to feed a baby/child while establishing a bond of closeness and demonstrating to said child that you have time to meet said child’s needs and that "doing something" is not more important than the child or the child's needs.

Thoughts on instant gratification

I have been thinking for a long time about the role of breastfeeding in infant development and growing up. I have come to an interesting insight. When formula feeding, the moment the bottle is in the mouth there is food coming out - instant gratification. This happens from the first feed forward. There is no wait and no no learning. With breastfeeding, the infant goes to breast and has to work to suckle, there is the comfort of being close to Mother's heart and touching Mother's skin but there is not an instant food reward. In fact, there is a lot of suckling that goes into getting the first little bits of colostrum out and there is a lot more suckling that goes into bringing in the milk. In fact, it is work to get the breastmilk out of the breast. Now, we know that breastfeeding helps decrease infection. Breastfeeding also helps with facial development and eye development. At this point, I am thinking that breastfeeding also helps with learning that instant gratification is not the way of the world. Breastfeeding lays the foundation that one has to expend some effort in order to receive pleasant things (i.e. food). So not only does the breastfed infant learn to feel safe at the breast, the infant also learns the very basic idea that one has to work to gain things one wants - there is no instant gratification.

My first birth on my new knee

I am recovering nicely from my total knee replacement. My midwife partner is burning out fast working alone for 11 weeks doing all the births and taking all the call. In order to save her and ease myself back into the practice slowly I have been taking all the call from the answering service and working in the office half days for a couple of weeks . Friday afternoon I went on call at the hospital to do births on my new knee. I was on call all night Friday night and Saturday until 6pm when my midwife partner returned and saved me - boy was I tired. However, I did have a wonderful birth while I was on call. The patient was over due and she really wanted an unmedicated birth. We got her wish. She was awesome and pushed the baby out just beautifully. Dad helped deliver and a great time was had by all. It was a fantastic first birth back and my knee did great.

Then there was the not so fantastic. I also had an induction for placental insufficiency which turned into an unnecessary cesarean delivery. We brought the patient into the hospital for a slow induction so we didn't stress the baby. The family got all hot and bothered because the baby didn't come the first day we worked on it. We discussed plan of care with them, let Mom eat dinner and have a good sleep and then start the induction up again on day 2. Oh NO - the father of the baby was all in a fit and stated that the patient needed a cesarean section because this was taking too long. My consulting physician immediately said yes and told them it would be later in the day, today. So this woman who has successfully delivered vaginally twice before at term with easy fast labors is having a cesarean section on demand because the father of the baby is tired of waiting. When I talked with my consulting about my discomfort with cesarean on demand he said that if we forced her to have a vaginal delivery and anything was wrong or the baby was not perfect she would believe she had grounds to sue us because she had asked for a cesarean and we did not comply, we made her and her baby endure labor. So he feels that if a patient demands a cesarean delivery we are better off capitulating to that demand and doing the surgery. I am frustrated. On the one hand, physicians are painted as talking people into cesarean deliveries and on the other they feel they will be sued if they don't honor the patient request for cesareans on demand. I know from past instances that this woman will probably be sorry that she chose this route, but by then the damage is already done. Now we have to wait for enough women to realize that they made a stupid choice and become verbal about it in order for the pendulum to swing away from cesareans on demand.

Back to work

I put myself back on call for non hospital related stuff on Wednesday. So far it hasn't been bad. My midwife partner is quickly burning out and I thought that if I could give her a bit of a rest, she would appreciate a break. I start back at the office on half days, on Monday morning 4/7. As I am working with clients on the phone and using the electronic medical records, it is starting to feel like I can successfully go back to work. I really didn't miss the psychic drag of dealing with other peoples problems and I have loved the time with my husband. If only there was a way to maintain my current standard of living without working - hum this is the issue for most of us though. As I return to work I am going to valiantly try to maintain my autonomy and not be consumed by the work. I do want to continue to do a good job and to continue to be admired/desired by my clients but I don't want to be tired all the time and have no life outside of work. This is a new juggling act to learn as prior to this point I just dedicated myself totally to my work. Now, I want to have a good relationship with my husband and I have to maintain my body to keep my knee flexible and strong and this requires time and energy. I'll have to work this thru. Today it seems like I can do it, we will see what Monday brings.