FRUSTRATION

Alas, yesterday I put a patient in the hospital for an elective induction.  A process I really disagree with in my core. (I'm inducing to satisfy the patient.)   The hospital was really busy and essentially nothing happened.  They called me at 2a.m. to ask what I wanted to do and I let them know that I just wanted to start pitocin.  I went back to sleep, knowing that I would need to get up early to see my patient, because if they started pitocin, she would be uncomfortable and would want midwifery support.  I arrived at the hospital only to discover that they did not start the pitocin, so now my patient has had nothing to facilitate her labor for greater than 12 hours AND the nurse who has chosen to take my patient today is someone that I dislike and do not respect.  She is difficult to work with, does not follow my suggestions or my orders and she does not provide good care!!!!  There is way too much drama associated with her.  She often creates problems so she can save the day.  ARGGGGG.  I want to go home and read a book to escape.  While I'm on this vent, let me say that I also have tons of charting as I was the office midwife yesterday and saw two people's patients for some part of the day and when that happens, no computer charting happens and then it has to be done retrospectively. 

Life goes on and on

I am continuing to work crazy hours with my midwifery practice.  As I work crazy hours, I think about retirement, I think about a different population, I think about moving and working somewhere else.  I think about the neat people I have met here.  I think about my desire to just take care of low risk Mom's who are healthy and who want to birth safely, but without lots of interventions.  I try to weigh the pros and cons of moving on versus staying where I am.  I have decided you cannot compare apples to oranges.  So the quandary continues.  Do I look elsewhere.  Do I stay here until I retire?  I'm not sure.  I don't know.  Worse yet, I don't know how to make the decision.